The following two blog posts come from my Fiancée, who was, at the time of her writing, single and in no way expecting to be engaged one year later. Please enjoy her thoughts and be encouraged.
Last week was the culmination of a long expectant “Relationships Week” at Summer Training Project. This is a week devoted to discovering what is biblically said about relationships involving your family, friends, and significant other. I was excited for this week knowing that our God is a relational God and desires us to have healthy relationships, reflective of his character. Being in a season of singleness for almost a year now, there have been many things revealed to me about relationships, especially in this past year.
Here are just a few:
1. Because God is sovereign, the reason anyone is single or in a relationship has nothing to do with them at all and everything to do with God’s plan. The reason why I am single is not because I am lacking or exceeding in any area of my life, but because that is what God has for me now for his glory and my joy. This season I am in will produce the most growth and the most joy possible. My ministry is strongest right now in a season of singleness and when God sees fit, I will only be brought into a relationship to make his ministry through me stronger and for me to see more of who He is. It has nothing to do with me.
2. I am undesirable, but Jesus is infinitely desirable. For a long time I felt like I was invisible to any man because of who I am and what I felt like defined me (my major, my career aspirations, etc.). Because of this lack of attention, I deemed myself as undesirable and therefore unable to be desirable enough to be pursued. I felt like this was wrong that I should not feel this way about myself. I felt entitled to a relationship and that I should be thinking of myself as incredibly desirable, that this was just a confidence issue. The truth is, I am undesirable. A holy and mighty God shouldn’t desire me. But because of Jesus, I am no longer defined by any of these things. God sees me and smiles. He is confident in his decision to save me and joyfully took the cross for me because he is merciful and just. Because of Jesus, God sees me as desirable. Apart from Christ, I am completely and utterly undesirable. Nothing that I define myself as in this world matters. It makes no difference. My ultimate identity is in Christ. I am completely undesirable, but because of who God is, and what Jesus did on the cross, I no longer have to be defined by my undesirability in my sinfulness, but I am defined in Christ as free and new and lovely.
3. I may be single for the rest of my life and that is okay. This whole last year, I knew that I could be single forever and tried to play the “I’m really tough so I shouldn’t be sad about this reality because God is sovereign” card, but found myself continually discontent. Asking God for a relationship and ending my time in tears, desiring the desires of the Lord, even if it meant singleness, and yet desiring a relationship. This past relationships week I was again reminded of this truth. Yes, I cried real tears when earthly singleness was mentioned, knowing it may be my reality, but was reassured that the Lord is constantly providing for me. I do not need a relationship to be satisfied because my satisfaction comes from the Lord alone. No man will ever satisfy me and if I am expectant of that, I have put my hope in an idol. I may have momentary happiness but that deep joy and security comes from God alone. “The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.” Psalm 145:15–16. God is faithful! He keeps his promises and he has promised to satisfy me. I do not need to look to a future husband for any bit of joy, happiness or satisfaction, that, in itself, is idolatry.